Fighting for What Matters: The Struggles of Fatherhood, Family, and the Justice System

Growing up, I lost my mom and grandmother at a very young age. In their absence, my grandfather stepped in, taking on the role of a father and becoming the guiding figure in my life. He sacrificed so much to provide for me and my sister, and I’ll forever be grateful for the way he filled that void.

As I grew older and eventually became a father myself, I never anticipated the challenges that would come with raising a child in today’s world. Becoming a dad was one of the most life-changing moments for me, but it also brought back a lot of complex emotions about my own childhood.

The moment I received a call from a woman who claimed to be my half-sister was when things really started to hit home. She was born around the time we lost our mother, and I couldn’t help but question my father’s absence. Did he leave because of another family? Did he move on while we were left behind to navigate life on our own?

I was too young to fully understand the dynamics of my parents’ relationship, but as an adult and now a father, I can reflect on how my father’s lack of effort in staying present in my life affected me. He didn’t fight for us as children, and I’ve had to come to terms with that. What I do understand is the importance of being there for your child—something I’m now fighting for as I navigate parenthood in my own way.

Currently, I’m dealing with a situation that many parents face in today’s world: the separation from my daughter due to a personal dispute with the mother. My daughter lives in another province, and I don’t get to see her on a daily basis. I’m constantly faced with the difficulty of maintaining a connection while dealing with a system that isn’t designed to help fathers like me.

The legal process for a father seeking access to his child when they live in a different province is nothing short of exhausting. The fact that the justice system doesn’t cater to cross-provincial issues means that I have to travel from Johannesburg to Mpumalanga just to file a simple application. The process is not only frustrating but incredibly inefficient. Whether you’re a mother or a father, the system makes it difficult to assert your rights as a parent, and it’s even harder to ensure that your relationship with your child is protected.

It’s disheartening, to be honest. Relationships may end, but the connection between a parent and a child should never be severed. That bond is unbreakable, and it should be the one thing that no one can take away. The justice system needs to make it easier for parents to be there for their children—especially when they’re separated by distance.

Recently, I came across a news article about a woman who was sentenced to 12 months in jail for contempt of court. She had been keeping the child away from the father, even after the court had issued a clear order. It’s a stark reminder of how damaging these kinds of actions are. No one should have the power to prevent a parent from seeing their child. The law needs to take this kind of behaviour seriously because it impacts children, not just the parents involved.

As a father, I’ll continue to fight for my right to be present in my daughter’s life. The justice system may not make it easy, but I’m not giving up. The bond with my child matters too much, and no matter what, I’ll do whatever it takes to ensure that I’m there for her, just as my grandfather was there for me.